It was 20 years ago tonight that the Lord saved me.
Early in my life as a Christian, God gave me what was then and has remained one of my favorite hymns: Come Thou Fount. I don’t know if it has ever been my absolute favorite hymn, but of all the hymns that have come and gone from ranking among my favorites, Come Thou Fount has is the only one that has endured from the dawn my Christian life. When God saved me, I knew then that I had received something far too precious to entrust to my own limited fortitude. This song had a line that spoke to the fear within me that I would not have the strength to endure:
Prone to wander, Lord I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart Lord, Take and seal it
Seal it for thy courts above
In 20 years, my doubts about myself have been proven right many times. But my hope that God would hold onto me has also proven well placed many times.
The doctrine of eternal security has never seemed academic to me. From early on, my own fear and hope drove me to plea with God for the security that I did not yet realize Scripture teaches. Funnily enough, I first arrived at an accurate conclusion regarding this doctrine from a verse (John 14:16) that I’m now not sure I would use for it. Still, in light of texts that teach the doctrine more clearly, I suppose it probably does carry the meaning I took from it. The Spirit was faithful to guide me to that passage when he did, teaching me about himself in the process (which is knowledge that proved quite relevant in the following days, as I would have quite an encounter with a charismatic display that week).
If God had not sustained me, I would have surrendered my Treasure many times by now. There is no hyperbole in that statement. I can count at least three times that God has rescued me from doubts and temptations that imminently threatened my soul. Such has been my doubt at times, that he even miraculously heal me once, I think just so I would have a lifeline to hold onto in a season of unfaithfulness.
That record can sound a bit a depressing when reflecting on myself, but it gives me hope that God will continue in faithfulness.
A few weeks ago, someone, upon learning that I have been at my current church for 10 years, said to me, “10 years of faithfulness.” I was a bit unsure as to how I should respond. I know my heart too well to say yes, but I realized later the correct answer was yes. Only the faithfulness is not mine.
As I reflect on the past 20 years tonight, another song is pressing upon my mind. It is a song that is massively overplayed and misunderstood, and the lines that I love most from it are sadly omitted from many renditions. The too often unsung heart of Amazing Grace really summarizes my life thus far and my hope for the future:
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears reliev'd;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believ'd!
Thro' many dangers, toils, and snares,
I have already come;
'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promis'd good to me,
His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures.